I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We got so high we made milksteak
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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