I wish my penis had an off switch
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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