Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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