so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
