Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
