hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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