Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
