I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
