I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
