Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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