When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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