Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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