no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
