Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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