So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
