Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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