Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize