I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
