Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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