Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
