Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My cat gives me a boner
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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