Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How external is "for external use only"?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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