I hate all girls vehemently.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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