I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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