His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
