His hands were made for my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
