Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
