So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
