: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
