Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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