it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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