rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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