Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
