Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
