You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
