I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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