: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have demons in me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
