I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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