You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize