i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
