Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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