my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
