I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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