I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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