Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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