Small penises have feelings too.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
