Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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