Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
