saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
