hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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