not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
