Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
