also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
