Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
