my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
