Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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