Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
