the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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