i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
