Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
