I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
