omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
