you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
